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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

How We Define Our Relationships


by: Joseph Ghabi
We can fall into the habit of complaining about our relationships, but do we really take the time to evaluate them? Maybe not, because well, we’re always right! He or she never listens to ME or does things the way I think is right (the human EGO speaking loudly here!)

First of all, we need to understand one thing – which we do not live in our parents’ or grandparents’ time. The “souls” of our generation are here to acquire as much life experience as possible in this one lifetime. What do I mean by this?

When my soul decided to come back and integrate into this body, the temple of my soul, I educated myself in spirit and prepared (in theory) for all the experiences I would have in this lifetime. I decided to come back to understand these experiences by having to understand the human emotions – the anger, the crying and all of the other human frustrations – that went with the experience. But in reality, this is an experience for my soul knowledge, for my forever soul evolution. Once this experience is finished, everything from that experience needs to be completed without leaving any residue of emotions, and then will be the time to prepare for a new venture.

As humans, we rarely complete a relationship properly; often we hope that one day it might work out. Personally, I believe that once an experience is not working in the first place, it will not work later. Unless BOTH, and I really mean BOTH parties are ready to give up their differences, our old patterns from that relationship, along with the help of our sub-conscious, will bring the same familiar events back into our life. Remember, even if we meet our soul mate, unless both soul mates are ready for each other, the relationship will never work.

It’s important that we learn to cut our emotions after every experience in order to make proper room for the next one.

Once we leave a relationship, we cannot expect the new one to be the same. This just does not make sense! Things eventually evolve if you properly cut your emotional links with the previous relationship, and you accept change into your life. In reality our soul will never allow us to go backward in our life except when our human mind decides we want to stick around and have the same type of relationship again. Then we are falling back into our old pattern. Look at your relationships and see if there is a pattern that you keep running into, then accept this and, without any blame to yourself or the other people involved, just feel blessed about what you learned and accomplished and wish the best for all people involved – because what goes around comes around, multiplied!
How do we define our relationships? A relationship is a two way street. Why would we decide to go into a relationship if we are NOT ready to walk down a new street? If we need a relationship just for the sake of feeling safe and secure about ourselves then we are in for a long haul.

A two way street type of relationship, in my definition, is when both partners involved accept each other for the way they are and not the way they want the other person to be. In many cases, we look to the exterior values, being physical or of a material nature. How do they look? What car are they driving? What do they do in life? These values exist only at the surface level. These traits eventually lose all relevance and eventually fade.

Accepting your partner requires an amount of responsibility from your part in numerous ways. And we must not, under any circumstance, allow ourselves to become a doormat for the other person. We should treat each other with respect, from a deeper level as equal, and learn to listen, enabling the development of a strong foundation, crucial in the building of a solid relationship. We need to understand their soul.

I only ask you to be honest with yourself. Identify your previous partners and see what exactly attracted you to that person initially. It might surprise you to see that we always look for what is acceptable on the exterior, disregarding what values exist internally.

There are many principles with regard to relationships and it would be to your benefit if you were to apply some careful thought and consideration to what motivates you to become involved in the relationships you do. Consider what, in reality, you really want as a human being. After establishing this, in your own right, you will be able to identify these qualities within another person and then you are more likely to be successful in finding the right partner for you.

A relationship is based on three things:
First is to be able to associate socially on some common ground and enjoy being together.
Second is to be able to communicate well and express our emotions in a healthy way.
Third is to be connected with your soul partner and allow your partner to get to know you better by opening up on a deeper level.

Copyright © Joseph Ghabi
http://www.freespiritcentre.info


About the Author:

Joseph Ghabi is an author, lecturer, and healer. Joseph provides Intuitive Numerology Consultation, Healing Childhood Experiences Consultation and PhD Candidate living in Montreal Canada.
At the age of eight Joseph discovered his clairvoyance. Joseph is natural medium. Joseph started the ‘Free Spirit Centre’ website at http://www.freespiritcentre.info. A community centre devoted to personal growth, self help, soul growth, eating disorders, relationships, healing and human issues. You can find over 800 articles on the site.
Joseph task is in bringing Souls back to realization of their own personal power and into alignment with their own soul purpose and path of evolution.

The 7 Unfailing Laws of Successful Relationships


by: Dr Brenda Shoshanna
Copyright 2005 Brenda Shoshanna

Most think that relationships exist to make them happy. When they find that special person, they believe that love will naturally grow. But in relationships we encounter everything, challenges, joy, fulfillment, loss. Yet, despite all training in life, we seldom learn about the knitty gritty of relationships, how to build the relationship in a way that brings out the best in all.

To start this process, there are 7 simple laws we can learn and use. These laws will act as guideposts, helping us to choose wisely and to avoid costly mistakes.

Law #1 - There is never a lack of relationships. Relationships are abundantly available wherever you are.

Many live with the idea that love is scarce -there's not enough to go around and that they must cling to whatever comes their way. This idea can cause them to get involved with the wrong person, or stay in a relationship that is toxic for them. It is crucial to realize that relationships are plentiful. (If you don’t have one, it is because you are keeping it away). It is never necessary to cling to someone out of fear of being alone.

Law # 2 Know Who You Are And What You Really Want

Many enter relationships hoping that it will give them a life, or make them feel better about themselves. They may want their partner to take care of them, or give them the approval they’ve been denied. But it is of the utmost importance to know and respect who you are, to enjoy your own company and be aware of your own values and goals. Otherwise, you can lost in a relationship, become a pawn in someone else’s world.. A healthy relationship is an expression of two people, both equally valuable. In this kind of relationship you discover all you have to offer and how to offer it.

Law #3 Don't Keep Choosing The Wrong Person For You

Some find, to their amazement, that they choose the same partner, over and over again. Relationships patterns repeat as well. This is called the repetition compulsion. It is the unconscious need to repeat a situation over and over until we master it or it turns out the way we want it to. This compulsion keeps some people stuck in a bind. If you are caught in this, see what this pattern is doing for you. Actively choose different places to go and individuals who are different from those you usually meet. Become stronger than the pattern. Turn you life around.

Law #4 - Enjoy Honest Communication

Without the ability to say No, we cannot say Yes. Don't pretend to be someone you're not to make another happy. Don't give up that which is meaningful to you for the sake of a friendship. The bedrock of all happy relationships is mutual respect and acceptance and open, honest, communication. Ask for what is important to you. Find out what is really going on for your partner. When a person really feels listened to and accepted they feel loved.

Law #5 Don’t Try To Change Or Fix Other Person Let everyone be who they are, including yourself.

So many of us are obsessed with changing or fixing everyone. This is not friendship, but manipulation. . Many believe that if the person cared enough, they would certainly change for them. This is not so. Changing another is not your job. Find out who the person you are with really is. If someone feels accepted, they can change themselves, if they want to.

Law # 6- Know Difference Between Real and Counterfeit Love.

Feeling happy, high, excited or attached to a person, feeling possessive or dependent is not love. It's infatuation, ego thrills or dependency, usually based upon fantasy. Inevitably, fantasies fade. People then feel that the love is over. It is not over, it’s just been a form of counterfeit love. We must learn the difference between real and counterfeit love, between love and fantasy. Counterfeit love always involves struggle and pain. Real love never does. Real love is a verb. It is not based simply upon feelings, which come and go, but actions. It is important to learn "to"do love". Do love and you will be loved. in return.

Law #7 - See the Best In Others - And In Yourself.

What we see in others, we bring out in them. If we focus upon their negative points (and let them know about them), you can be certain the negativity will increase. When we focus upon what is good in that person and let them know, this brings out the best. The better a person then feels about themselves, the less need they have for negativity. Often it can just fall away on its own.

Law #7 1/2- The Master Law When They Come We Welcome, When They Go We Do Not Pursue

Understand that each relationship lasts for a certain time. You've come together to learn from one another, to share, enjoy and often move along. This is not rejection, but growth and change. Change is natural and inevitable. Don't see it as failure. Don't see it as loss. Don't try to control when time comes to go. Realize that if the person is supposed to be with you longer, they will return on their own. The greatest art of relationships is to know how to let go. When someone new comes welcome them, when it's time to let go, thank the person for all you've received from them and let go.



Discover the surprising truths about love that will save your relationship, by working with the unique program in Dr. Shoshanna’s new e-book Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships). http://www.truthaboutlove.com . Dr. Shoshanna is a psychologist, relationship expert on i.village.com, speaker, and has run over 500 workshops on all aspects of relationships and fulfilling your potential. She is the author of many books, including Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Why Men Leave (Putnam), What He Can’t Tell You And Needs To Say, (Putnam) and many others. You can contact her at mailto: mailto:topspeaker@yahoo.com . Her personal website is: http://www.brendashoshanna.com/

The Truth About Finding Your True Love And How You Can Fulfill Your Dream Of Living Happily Ever Aft


by: Cucan Pemo Publishing
“All we need is love.” Myth or not? Since love does seem to
be able to overcome anything and everything, at least on
television and at the movies, this seems like a reality.
However, truth is, making relationships work takes skill and
hard work, regardless of the “love” factor. This is a myth
here.

Let’s take a peak at some of the more common concepts above
“love” relationships and see if they are myths or based upon
reality.

If you are thinking of going into a relationship, or if you
find yourself falling in love, and ready to date, keep this
in mind: relationship is way, way beyond just love and
attraction.

Just like in fairy tales, once true love is found, people
live happily ever after. Truth or myth? Granted couples can
look into each other’s eyes and have those warm fuzzy
feelings. However, truth is, all couples will have their ups
and downs. “Happily ever after” seems to imply a perfect,
problem-less relationship when in reality, those don’t
exist.

If you are in a problem-less relationship (which doesn't
exist anyway), you'll get bored one day. And one of the
couples will want to run away!

So, is it possible to create and maintain a long lasting and
blissful relationship, or can one even dream of creating the
relationship of his or her dreams?

You bet!

The first step is to arm yourself with the genuine knowledge
and instructions on how to create your soul-based
relationship. Trust me, it is worth your time and money if
you can ever find a comprehensive course of instructions and
learn more about the truth of relationship, and especially
how you can draw in your soul mate!

It has to be “love at first sight” in order to work long-
term. Myth or truth? While this can be true for some, it
certainly doesn’t have to be for all couples in long-term
relationships. Many people grow together over time.

Since practically anyone can learn the nuts and bolts of
relationship building, focusing on some basic techniques
that can be learned is a must. The main ones, in no
particular order, are:

- Understand your-self.
Understand yourself. What is your personality. You may be
surprised. Some people live for a long time and never come
to understand or even realize why they are the way they are!
And why is this important? It determines how you look at the
world, how you will interpret the events occurring in your
life, and WHO YOU ARE will help your partner determine how
to react to YOU!

- Rapport: Develop rapport with others well.
Now let’s take a quick peak at the basics of developing
rapport with others. In a nutshell, what it takes is to ask
questions, have a positive, open attitude, encour
age an open exchange of communications (both verbal and
unspoken), listen to verbal and unspoken communications and
share positive feedback.

- Conflict Resolution: Resolve negative issues and conflicts
without too much friction
How do you handle conflicts? If you can put your ego aside
pretty much and try to keep friction to a minimum, your
relationships should move along fairly smoothly. Where you
feel disagreement, if you can “agree” to disagree on certain
things with the other party involved, that will help, too.
In short, conflict resolution means to pretty much deal with
others as you would want them to deal with you.

Once true love is found, people live happily ever after.
Truth or myth? Well, it will definitely not be a perfect,
problem-less journey. However, you definitely can live
happily ever after with the love of your life, if only you
will arm yourself with the right relationship skills and
learn relationship mastery whole heartedly.

Trust me, this is within your power. It is your destiny to
draw in your highest and best mate, if you have decided to.


About The Author:

Cucan Pemo is the Best Selling Author for her unconventional ebooks at http://www.Retrievealover.com/home.htm
Get FREE Special Reports, FREE Ebooks, tips, strategies and resources on how you can Find True Love and Bring Back A Lost Love at http://www.RetrieveALover.com/home.htm

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Gaining Clarity on Relationships Patterns


by: Robert Najemy

Robert Elias Najemy

>From our Conscious Love Relationships Program at:

http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/relationships/index.asp

We suggest that you use this questionnaire to gain greater clarity
before answering the basic questionnaire.

A. have you had previous relationships: If yes:

1. Are there specific types of partners that you attract or are attracted
to?

2. Is there a certain type of partner towards which you feel aversion?

3. Were you happy in these relationships?

4. In general did you leave the relationship or did the other?

5. What do you believe were the factors that played a role in these
relationships not working out?

6. Did you play a role in their not working out? If so what was your
contribution?

7. Do you notice any patterns in your relationship situations and
interactions?
If so which?

8. What lessons might you be able to learn from these previous
relationships?

9. Were there also very pleasant and positive moments in those
relationships? If so, which?

B. Your parental prototypes:

1. How would you describe the your parental prototypes:
a. Your Mother
b. Your Father
c. The relationship between them – the ways in which they interacted and
communicated – or did not.
d. Your own relationship with you mother
e. Your own relationship with your father.

2. Were there behavioral similarities between any of your previous partners
and one or more of your parents. If yes,
A. Which were they?
B. What might you need to learn by having «chosen – as a soul» to have a
number of close persons with similar behaviors?
C. What do you want to learn or do in relationship to that?

C. Is there a difference between what society and / or your parents want for
you and what you want from a relationship? What do you want to do about
that?

D. What is important for you to have in your relationship.
(Have in mind that you might be able to have all of these, and maybe not.
You might have to choose or sacrifice.)
__1. To have a relationship at any cost. To have a partner, children,
family?
__2. To be in love with someone?
__3. To be loved by someone?
__4. To be able to share feelings and thoughts with someone?
__5. To have a lively and interesting interaction with someone?
__6. To be socially accepted because you are married?
___7. To have a relationship so as to be able to have children?
___8. To have a relationship in order to feel worthy to others.
___9. To have a relationship in order to feel safe and secure?
___10.To have a relationship so that there will be someone at home with me –
especially in the evenings.
Other needs that you hope to have satisfied through a relationship.
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________

E. Have you noticed that you might have certain doubts, concerns or fears
about creating a committed personal relationship. If so why? Consider the
following possibilities.

1. We might fear intimacy because we fear:
a. Being abandoned
b. Being suppressed
c. Being hurt
d. Rejection
e. That we will not be able to be ourselves
f. If they know us deeper, they will not will not want to be with us.
2. We might feel vulnerable and afraid of being hurt if we are open and
loving and prefer to keep an emotional distance.
3. We do not want to give the other the idea that he or she can do whatever
he or she likes with us.
4. We would like them first to ask for forgiveness or at least realize
their mistakes.
5. We fear we will lose control over them by letting them be too relaxed
with us.
6. We want to place the blame for our dissatisfaction with ourselves or our
lives on someone else who is "responsible".
7. We falsely believe that love requires that we must let this person do
whatever he or she wants – regardless of ethics or justice – and that this
would be totally unacceptable.
8. We have identified with the role of the victim and need to feel hurt and
abused.
9. We are in the role of the interrogator and need to find others’ faults.
10. We are afraid of expressing love, because we fear that there will not be
an adequate response from others and we will feel rejected.
11. We cannot believe that others could possibly love us.
12. We have been seriously hurt by this person and cannot overcome this
bitterness.

If you have been affected by these or other obstacles what can you do to get
free?

F. Do you feel unhappy alone?
For a few days?
For a long time?
If so, what obstructs you from being happy even when you are alone?

1. Are you afraid when alone?
2. Do you feel less worthy when alone?
3. Are you bored when alone?
4. Do you not know what to do with your time?
5. Do you feel that there is no meaning to life, when you are alone?
5. Do you feel badly because the others are in relationships and you are
not?
6. What emotions do you have when you think:
a. That you do not have a relationship at this moment?
b. That you have not had a relationship for some time?
c. That your previous relationships have not worked out?
d. That some others have relationships and you do not?

7. What do you want or need to do in order to feel better alone until you
meet the right person?

8. What do you believe will change in your life if you have a love partner?
What will you have that you do not have now?



Robert Elias Najemy, a life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained
over 300 Life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Info at:
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/introholisticcoach.asp
He is the author of over 20 books, 600 articles and 400 lecture cassettes on
Human Harmony. Download FREE 100's of articles, find wonderful ebooks,
guidance, audio files and teleclasses at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com.
His books The Psychology of Happiness and Remove Pain with Energy Psychology
are available at http://www.amazon.com

Monday, March 2, 2009

Will they or will they not cheat?


by: Angela Renee
Will they or will they not cheat?

Have you ever told your partner or spouse how you would feel
if you found out they had been cheating? Maybe your spouse
or partner will never cheat on you! Are would they?

Ok, maybe they want cheat. But you must face the fact that
your spouse or partner will be tempted with the "grass is
greener on the other side" especially after all the
responsibilities of parenthood have set in and things are
not so carefree anymore. And you will be faced with that
same temptation unless both of you have suddenly become
really, really an eye sore.

Who knows? They may be attracted to the same thing you find
attractive about your spouse or partner in the beginning and
now! By realizing this now, depending on the type of
relationship you are in, not only can you make this one of
the healthy topics to discuss but you can possibly get back
some of what was lost. You know before all of the many
responsibilities set into everyone's life.

Cheating causes so much pain and grief and if you have not
experienced it firsthand, take a look around - It affects
everyone! Saying no requires at times the willpower to walk
- no run away, the action to back up what you say and truly
caring about your partner or spouse feelings.

Do not become obsessed with this topic but talk about things
like this before it happens. Talk about how the both of you
would feel and what would cause the both of you to entertain
the thoughts of cheating. Would it involve something
physical like not receiving enough affection or something
emotional like not feeling appreciated or loved? You want
facts that will help you both understand what your needs are
so you'll NOT look elsewhere.

We seek love and acceptance in our society and this does not
change once we enter relationships. We want it regardless of
the changes we grow through with our body and spirit. So
when we do not feel we are getting these things from the
ones we love, we seek it from others! If you do not want to
make the topic about the two of you just yet, talk about
cheating in relationships in general before the opportunity
presents itself to either of you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Angela Renee is a wife, mother of three and a writer who's
passionate about helping "Every Day Become A Mothers Day."
With her straight talking yet compassionate manner, she
works through her articles at www.worlds-best-mothers-guide.com
to assist all mothers with every single aspect of their life
including
href="http://www.worlds-best-mothers-guide.com">relationships and
parenting
.