Learn To Listen - 3 Ways It Benefits Relationships

by: Cori Sachais Swidorsky

We always hear about communication being the key in a relationship. If we are always talking and not listening, then communication becomes meaningless. It’s not easy to hear what someone else is saying, especially when our feelings, thoughts and opinions are different. Here are three reasons why learning to listen benefits our relationships. Shows Respect – When having a discussion, listening to the other person shows that you respect what they are saying. Even if we disagree with what’s being said, we still need to respect their thoughts and feelings. Helps Us To Understand – It’s difficult to understand what someone is trying to tell us if we aren’t listening. Listening helps to understand why someone is feeling a certain way. Once we understand, we can move forward with the situation and take the steps needed. Helps To Be Approachable – In relationships, it’s important for someone to feel they can to talk to us about anything. Learning to listen can help others feel comfortable approaching us any time they need or want to discuss something. We are likely to have a more open and healthy relationship if we are approachable. We want others to respect, understand and be approachable to us right? Work on learning to listen and watch your relationship grow in positive ways Authors Bio Reside in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Work at home mom/stay at home mom. Owner of the Informing Women Newsletter and website http://www.informingwomen.com Write an advice column for a community newsletter, have an inspirational piece being published in Chicken Soup For The Recovering Soul, and have articles published on many work at home, home based business, tips and hints, and parenting websites.

Reside in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Work at home mom/stay at home mom. Owner of the Informing Women Newsletter and website http://www.informingwomen.com Write an advice column for a community newsletter, have an inspirational piece being published in Chicken Soup For The Recovering Soul, and have articles published on many work at home, home based business, tips and hints, and parenting websites.

How To Focus On The Positive Qualities Of Your Relationship

by: Sonia Devine

The quality of your life has a strong connection with how healthy your relationship with other people is. Do you struggle to make other people see things your way? Well stop trying, because you can’t manipulate others. Why? Well, just like you, they are operating from their own map of the world. What you CAN do is develop a habit of paying attention to the positive aspects of your relationship.

If you are distressed by your relationships, then you need to change the way in which you react to the behaviour of others. If you hold a belief that you will only be happy when the other person changes, it’s time to get real, because:

*** The Buck Stops With You. ***

Think about someone in your life; Are you paying attention to the qualities you think that person is lacking? For example, maybe you think: “If only he was tidier, more attentive to me, more loving, etc…”? Whatever you put your attention on expands. If you only notice the things that annoy you about others, or if you focus on what you think they are not doing right, then you will only experience more of the behaviour that you are trying to avoid!


Try this exercise:

Think about this specific person, and write down the qualities you admire in them. Take the time to remember what drew you to them in the first place. Maybe they are great at making you laugh…they could be a good listener, or have a talent for organising things and events. Whatever you like about this person, write it onto a list! And then look at this list every day.

By doing this, you shift your subconscious attention onto the positive aspects of the relationship and you will start to experience even more of these qualities that you like! Your relationship will improve and the other person will start to become more loving, open and receptive towards you as well.



What About Those Things You Don't Like?


Okay, then. What really annoys you about others? Do you get upset by arrogant people? Or maybe people who cannot be assertive really make your blood boil. Whatever it is that bothers you, you must understand this:


We criticize in others the very qualities that we dislike most about ourselves


We are all connected to a Universal consciousness. When you look at another person, you are also looking at a version of yourself. Learn to see yourself in the reflection of others, and you will become more tolerant of what you see as their negative qualities. And remember, other people, are always a mirror to you.

If you want a great relationship, you need to pay attention to the way you react to people. And most importantly, treat others as you would like to be treated. You have the ability to create a happy, fulfilling relationship, and if you learn to see yourself in others, you will find yourself becoming more and more open to experiencing the good qualities those people.


Sonia Devine is a qualified professional hypnotherapist and success coach with a caring and committed approach to healing, who lives in Melbourne, Australia. You can find more of her information on ego, self image, love, relationships, phobias and much more on her website
http://www.manifest-your-success.com

Do You Love Yourself?

by: Rick Valens

Always feeling insecurity over your love relationship? So much so to the extent of even feeling suspicious, doubting your partner’s love for you? Well though it might not exactly always be your fault but still I must say, this is the beginning of a very unhealthy relationship. In the long run, it might even lead to an end of the relationship.

I should believe that you are having such thoughts because you really cherish this relationship? But well, perhaps cherishing it just a bit too much? Think about it, how would you feel if things were the other way round? Would you like it if your partner were to doubt your love for them instead? Always calling on you to find out where you are, whom you are with, what you are doing? Believe me, nobody like that. It is only negative and more negative feedbacks that I have got from friends that are having such encounters.
Some, who simply cannot stand it, initiated a break off.

Remember, trust between partners is one of the key criteria to a happy and fulfilling relationship. Without it, an ever-lasting relationship would never be possible.

But first of all, before we can built up this mutual trust, that is one very important thing you must achieve and that is, to trust yourself! If you don’t even trust yourself, how can you expect others, your very love to trust you? To have faith in the relationship?

You must believe in yourself, believing that there is this very special you within yourself. A very special you that make you well liked by friends and family, which of course also include your very love, loving this very special and unique you.

Everybody is unique in his or her very own way. That can only be one you and no more else in this world. Your friends and family like you for who you are. Your love, loves you for who you are. So when everyone genuine likes you, how can you yourself, don’t like yourself as who you are? Doubting your very own self? I don’t suppose you wanna lose your friends and that special someone whom you truly love?

Look into the mirror today and tell yourself, “You are great! I love you!” Yes, when you love yourself, you will naturally have this feel of confidence bringing out that very radiance in you. When you yourself are happy, others will naturally feel happy when being with you.

Remember, love is always a two-way communication. It takes two, a happy you and a happy him or her to complete the equation.


Rick Valens
Staff Writer for http://www.loveletterbox.com , Love Relationship Discussion Forum

Currently also freelance writer for http://www.ecemetery.org,
Monument of Eternal Memory

NOTE: You're free to republish this article on your website, in your newsletter, in your e-book or in other publications provided that the article is reproduced in its entirety, including the author information and all live website link as above.

by: Rachelle Arlin Credo

Long distance relationships are dreadful. I know this because I'm currently living one. You watch other couples walk down the street hand-in-hand, kissing, etc., everyday and you can't do anything but envy them. So how can a long distance relationship work? How can you keep on loving someone if you can't even see them?

The answer is...it depends on how much you want it to work. True love can overcome any odds thrown in its path if you want it bad enough. So the question is, how do you do it? Well, I do not think that anyone knows exactly how to make it work, but I can certainly provide some points on making it work.

1. COMMUNICATION is the key.

In every relationship, whether near or far, if communication is taken for granted, it can cause the relationship to quiver until it eventually dies a natural death. That's why in any given circumstance, communication has to be given utmost importance. There are so many available media to ensure that the communication stays open. From snail mails and phone calls to chat systems and e-mails or e-cards. These media can be effective means to convey your hearts desires to your loved ones. Let them know about what you've been doing and thinking because in that way they will feel like they are there with you. This will also help you feel close even though you are miles apart.

2. Send off CARE PACKAGES.

It can be anything -- a little gift of flowers; a collection of the letters he has sent you designed artistically into a scrapbook; or your sweetheart's favorite jewelry -- it's really only limited to your imagination. Engaging yourself in this way is beneficial for both of you. You get to concentrate on gathering these items and putting them together, thus keeping your mind off not being together to a certain extent. Your loved one will see how much effort you put into it and how much you care. Even if it is nothing more than a card,it shows they mean enough to you that you can take the time to let them know. It never takes much money to show a little love with a small gift. Trust me, it can melt a heart!

3. Keep yourself BUSY.

You couldn't just sit there and wait 'til he comes back to you. What if he doesn't come back at all and all you did was sit and get your tummy flabby, won't that make you just miserable? You won't just be stunting your growth as an individual in the process but you'd also be developing emotional insecurities. In order to avoid that, you have to focus yourself on other things while waiting. Try to identify your passions. Get in touch with your creative nature. If you are a homebody, you can read tons of books which can help you grow intellectually and emotionally or you can choose to lounge before your computer and surf for hours to learn invaluable things over the internet. It's an endless "ways-to-make-yourself-busy" list and it is up to you to decide whichever you're interested to get involved in. But remember, being "busy" is not an excuse to forget your "special days" and worse yet, your loved one. You're doing it not just to occupy yourself but also to allow yourself to grow even with your lover's absence.

4. HONESTY is the best policy.

The path to true intimacy and connection especially in a long distance relationship is through "total honesty" to each other in the fullest sense of the words. By being authentic and telling your full truth to your loved one about your thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, issues, boundaries, etc., you are gradually building up a zone of confidence and comfort for both of you. This is very essential if you want your relationship to really last. Seeking to avoid conflict and maintain harmony by censoring yourself can work for a while but it won't take much time until your suppressed truth comes out in other ways, such as withdrawal, resentment, "acting out," etc. I know, sometimes, telling your whole truth can be difficult and even scary, but it will result in the kind of relationship that you really want-- a relationship where all the cards are laid in the table.

5. The value of TRUST

Trust is a very fundamental aspect in any relationship. That is because having trust in a relationship takes away doubt. When you trust someone you never have to question their motivation about anything and with mutual trust that relationship is solid. You must learn to be true to the relationship and must never give way to insecurities, strange feelings, suspicions and quick impulses because these will only bring your relationship down. Don't push away negative comments, or advice. Just trust in yourself and your partner. If you two are true to each other and have no hidden motives then you'll be alright. Remember "Love never fails."

6. COMMITMENT is a habit not an achievement

In every relationship, it is a must to be able to learn how to commit and be committed. For most long distance relationships, the very reason why they fail is because both parties couldn't go on with the commitment and they feel too weak to withstand the tribulations of time.If you have committed yourselves to each other without shilly-shallying, then you have a good promise ahead of you.Your comitment to each other will keep the passion alive and the fires burning thus sustaining the growth of the relationship.

7. PATIENCE is a virtue.

Being in a long distance relationship requires being steadfast and persevering. If you aren't this kind of person and you're involved in a long distance relationship, then as much as now, you better try to learn to be patient. Focus your attention on all the positive aspects of the relationship and never give your hopes up. Showing that you value your partner and the relationship and that you are willing to work patiently through it will let them know you truly love them.

8. WEBCAM

This is applicable only for those who have the comfort of having their own personal computers at home.But for those who don't, there are computers-for-rent in cafe's with webcams already attached to the computer system. Having a webcam is actually very fun and exciting. Even if you aren't together but looking at each other's face in the broad screen makes you feel like you're just so close, so near to your loved one. My boyfriend and I use Yahoo messenger to express our emotions with smileys and it's melting my heart to see him smile in the cam when he gets my messages.

9. Make special occasions SPECIAL.

It is not everyday that a special day comes so when it does, it must be celebrated no matter how far apart you are. When I speak of special occasions, I mean birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, New Year and Valentine's Day. During these occasions, you can plan out some heavy-duty phone call or an extended online time for the evening. Regardless of whether you talk every night or a couple times a week, be sure you both carve out some time for that particular night. If you're too stingy to settle on a lengthy phone call, but have cheap and unlimited online access, plan to send instant messages to each other or meet in a private chatroom somewhere. If you can't be together, at least you can be "talking" and "spending some private moments together".

10. ENJOY LIFE!

Not because your loved one is away, it doesn't mean that your "life" is taken away with him as he sets on for greener pastures. You have your own life to live and you must live it up to the purpose you were created for, with or without your loved one.Anyway, we have our family and friends. What are these social beings surrounding us created for anyway?


Remember,there are definite hardships associated with this relationship style but it is important that those who thrive in a long distance relationship see the suffering, difficulties, distance and time as tools in cultivating their love and rearing up the maturity in their relationship. The best you can do is to strive to be the best of who you are as a person while your partner is away so that when he comes back to you, you are already a full-grown individual whom he will love even more and be more proud of more than ever! For now, just be happy in knowing that across the miles there is someone who thinks you are so special, they are willing to engage in a terrible thing such as a long distance relationship. Keep in mind that your suffering is not forever since your loved one will be back soon and when that time comes, everything will be much sweeter than it was back then.



Rachelle Arlin Credo is an entrepreneur and relationship coach. She also works as an image consultant and part-time writer. Her stories, articles, essays and poetry have been published in various magazines and online publications.


This article is free for republishing

Lover's Quarrel

by: Rachelle Arlin Credo

One minute you seem like lovesick turtledoves teasing, laughing and giggling with all your might. Then a few minutes later, you begin yelling and berating each other and a lover's quarrel is already in progress. A little bantering was all it took to stoke up a rising emotional tension.

Every now and then, no matter how close and intimate a couple is, an argument occasionaly looms to create a tide in the relationship. Although sometimes it shakes a relationship down to its very core, if handled well, it is healthy and
can help create lasting relationships. Here is a list of what couples like you usually argue about and what you should do whenever you are faced with another petty bickering.

Jealousy

Jealousy is a natural human emotion. It is not negative in itself. How people react to jealous feelings make it negative.
Usually, jealousy stems from the lack of trust or lack of assurance from one's partner. It can also come from a low self-image or an inferioriy complex. If you're the jealous one, learn to act by reason and not by emotion. Your jealousy is just a product of your own mental-emotional patterns that only exist in your head. Just because your lover admired something about another person, does not mean that you are loved any less, or that the person is more attractive than you are. Voice out how you feel to your partner so that you can discuss things and he can help you alleviate your jealousy. If your partner is the green-eyed monster, assure him of your devotion and reassure him of his innate worth as your love mate. Perhaps your partner needs more attention and affection than you are giving him.

Individual Differences

When you first met, it may be the similarities you found with each other that instantly created the bond and rapport. However, as you knew each other better, it's your differences that potentially fashioned the strength of your relationship. Hence, it is important that you value the differences that make you unique as a couple. Perhaps, there might be times when you may want to change your partner into your view of his potential. But even if you'd succeed in your crusade, chances are you'd lose respect for him for allowing you to have done it and for not having the personal strength to be himself. So it is better that you both learn to compromise and meet halfway everytime a conflict surges. Be ready to recognize each other's weaknesses and learn to appreciate what the other has to offer. Instead of seeing yourselves as separate individuals, practise seeing each other as an aspect of yourselves. In this way you shatter the illusion of separation and bridge the gap that's keeping you asunder.

Unmet Expectations

When a dispute recurs but too many times like a bad case of athlete's foot but you have no clue as to what's really causing the problem, odds are it was because your partner did not meet your expectations or he didn't meet yours. When expectations are not met, a spat usually ushers in. Depending on the expectations you may want to concede in your relationship, it is highly commendable that you bring your expectations upfront from the very start of the relationship. Determine which expectations are most important to you and which are most important to your partner. Spend some time tossing around what you both desire and need from the relationship and what you must have and won't tolerate from each other. Remember, love works best when it involves both give and take.

You're-Wrong-I'm-Right Attitude

Instincts often tell us not to give up and admit defeat in times of disagreements especially if we are certain that we are right. But come to think of it, does it really matter who's right and who's not? In a relationship, it is never good to assert too much if it means you could hurt your partner. Let go of having to "be right!" If you must speak up, do it lovingly. Never tell your partner that he is wrong straight in the face. If you do this, you may just stir a storm in a teacup and set about a violent outburst. Instead of having to be RIGHT, decide between your mate that it is more important to be HAPPY. Discuss in a loving way areas of mutual concern then agree on certain terms so that you prevent yourselves from meshing with future disagreements.

Money Matters

When you're going through the honeymoon phase of your relationship, money may not be much of an issue. Nonetheless, as the relationship progresses, power struggles and control issues around money may just start surfacing. This creates tension that if not resolved, can put a serious damper on the relationship. Where critical differences exist in your financial expectations, try to negotiate. Work out a way of managing your finances that gives you both some control. In any case, if one is earning more than the other, he/she shouldn't hold all the control because even if the other is contributing less in the financial aspect, that does not mean he/she is contributing any less in other areas of the relationship. Over all of this, if there are still issues, sit and talk things over. Discussion and cooperation may not confer instant solutions to difficult financial issues, but knowing you and your partner agree about how to approach the situation will help maintain the zing in your relationship.


Arguments by nature are difficult and can even be hurtful and frustrating. And yet, they are a normal natural aspect of any relationship. Like the salt to meat dishes, they add flavor to the lives of couples and help build better relationships. On the other hand, if disputes are handled poorly, they can also potentially wreck a strong relationship. So, in order to avoid this, every disagreement should be carefully handled in a way that would boost relationship satisfaction and pave the way for new growth together. Truly, it's fun to fight and make up (and out) after knowing you have worked together through it all.

How We Define Our Relationships

by: Joseph Ghabi

We can fall into the habit of complaining about our relationships, but do we really take the time to evaluate them? Maybe not, because well, we’re always right! He or she never listens to ME or does things the way I think is right (the human EGO speaking loudly here!)

First of all, we need to understand one thing – which we do not live in our parents’ or grandparents’ time. The “souls” of our generation are here to acquire as much life experience as possible in this one lifetime. What do I mean by this?

When my soul decided to come back and integrate into this body, the temple of my soul, I educated myself in spirit and prepared (in theory) for all the experiences I would have in this lifetime. I decided to come back to understand these experiences by having to understand the human emotions – the anger, the crying and all of the other human frustrations – that went with the experience. But in reality, this is an experience for my soul knowledge, for my forever soul evolution. Once this experience is finished, everything from that experience needs to be completed without leaving any residue of emotions, and then will be the time to prepare for a new venture.

As humans, we rarely complete a relationship properly; often we hope that one day it might work out. Personally, I believe that once an experience is not working in the first place, it will not work later. Unless BOTH, and I really mean BOTH parties are ready to give up their differences, our old patterns from that relationship, along with the help of our sub-conscious, will bring the same familiar events back into our life. Remember, even if we meet our soul mate, unless both soul mates are ready for each other, the relationship will never work.

It’s important that we learn to cut our emotions after every experience in order to make proper room for the next one.

Once we leave a relationship, we cannot expect the new one to be the same. This just does not make sense! Things eventually evolve if you properly cut your emotional links with the previous relationship, and you accept change into your life. In reality our soul will never allow us to go backward in our life except when our human mind decides we want to stick around and have the same type of relationship again. Then we are falling back into our old pattern. Look at your relationships and see if there is a pattern that you keep running into, then accept this and, without any blame to yourself or the other people involved, just feel blessed about what you learned and accomplished and wish the best for all people involved – because what goes around comes around, multiplied!
How do we define our relationships? A relationship is a two way street. Why would we decide to go into a relationship if we are NOT ready to walk down a new street? If we need a relationship just for the sake of feeling safe and secure about ourselves then we are in for a long haul.

A two way street type of relationship, in my definition, is when both partners involved accept each other for the way they are and not the way they want the other person to be. In many cases, we look to the exterior values, being physical or of a material nature. How do they look? What car are they driving? What do they do in life? These values exist only at the surface level. These traits eventually lose all relevance and eventually fade.

Accepting your partner requires an amount of responsibility from your part in numerous ways. And we must not, under any circumstance, allow ourselves to become a doormat for the other person. We should treat each other with respect, from a deeper level as equal, and learn to listen, enabling the development of a strong foundation, crucial in the building of a solid relationship. We need to understand their soul.

I only ask you to be honest with yourself. Identify your previous partners and see what exactly attracted you to that person initially. It might surprise you to see that we always look for what is acceptable on the exterior, disregarding what values exist internally.

There are many principles with regard to relationships and it would be to your benefit if you were to apply some careful thought and consideration to what motivates you to become involved in the relationships you do. Consider what, in reality, you really want as a human being. After establishing this, in your own right, you will be able to identify these qualities within another person and then you are more likely to be successful in finding the right partner for you.

A relationship is based on three things:
First is to be able to associate socially on some common ground and enjoy being together.
Second is to be able to communicate well and express our emotions in a healthy way.
Third is to be connected with your soul partner and allow your partner to get to know you better by opening up on a deeper level.

Copyright © Joseph Ghabi
http://www.freespiritcentre.info


About the Author:

Joseph Ghabi is an author, lecturer, and healer. Joseph provides Intuitive Numerology Consultation, Healing Childhood Experiences Consultation and PhD Candidate living in Montreal Canada.
At the age of eight Joseph discovered his clairvoyance. Joseph is natural medium. Joseph started the ‘Free Spirit Centre’ website at http://www.freespiritcentre.info. A community centre devoted to personal growth, self help, soul growth, eating disorders, relationships, healing and human issues. You can find over 800 articles on the site.
Joseph task is in bringing Souls back to realization of their own personal power and into alignment with their own soul purpose and path of evolution.

The 7 Unfailing Laws of Successful Relationships

by: Dr Brenda Shoshanna

Copyright 2005 Brenda Shoshanna

Most think that relationships exist to make them happy. When they find that special person, they believe that love will naturally grow. But in relationships we encounter everything, challenges, joy, fulfillment, loss. Yet, despite all training in life, we seldom learn about the knitty gritty of relationships, how to build the relationship in a way that brings out the best in all.

To start this process, there are 7 simple laws we can learn and use. These laws will act as guideposts, helping us to choose wisely and to avoid costly mistakes.

Law #1 - There is never a lack of relationships. Relationships are abundantly available wherever you are.

Many live with the idea that love is scarce -there's not enough to go around and that they must cling to whatever comes their way. This idea can cause them to get involved with the wrong person, or stay in a relationship that is toxic for them. It is crucial to realize that relationships are plentiful. (If you don’t have one, it is because you are keeping it away). It is never necessary to cling to someone out of fear of being alone.

Law # 2 Know Who You Are And What You Really Want

Many enter relationships hoping that it will give them a life, or make them feel better about themselves. They may want their partner to take care of them, or give them the approval they’ve been denied. But it is of the utmost importance to know and respect who you are, to enjoy your own company and be aware of your own values and goals. Otherwise, you can lost in a relationship, become a pawn in someone else’s world.. A healthy relationship is an expression of two people, both equally valuable. In this kind of relationship you discover all you have to offer and how to offer it.

Law #3 Don't Keep Choosing The Wrong Person For You

Some find, to their amazement, that they choose the same partner, over and over again. Relationships patterns repeat as well. This is called the repetition compulsion. It is the unconscious need to repeat a situation over and over until we master it or it turns out the way we want it to. This compulsion keeps some people stuck in a bind. If you are caught in this, see what this pattern is doing for you. Actively choose different places to go and individuals who are different from those you usually meet. Become stronger than the pattern. Turn you life around.

Law #4 - Enjoy Honest Communication

Without the ability to say No, we cannot say Yes. Don't pretend to be someone you're not to make another happy. Don't give up that which is meaningful to you for the sake of a friendship. The bedrock of all happy relationships is mutual respect and acceptance and open, honest, communication. Ask for what is important to you. Find out what is really going on for your partner. When a person really feels listened to and accepted they feel loved.

Law #5 Don’t Try To Change Or Fix Other Person Let everyone be who they are, including yourself.

So many of us are obsessed with changing or fixing everyone. This is not friendship, but manipulation. . Many believe that if the person cared enough, they would certainly change for them. This is not so. Changing another is not your job. Find out who the person you are with really is. If someone feels accepted, they can change themselves, if they want to.

Law # 6- Know Difference Between Real and Counterfeit Love.

Feeling happy, high, excited or attached to a person, feeling possessive or dependent is not love. It's infatuation, ego thrills or dependency, usually based upon fantasy. Inevitably, fantasies fade. People then feel that the love is over. It is not over, it’s just been a form of counterfeit love. We must learn the difference between real and counterfeit love, between love and fantasy. Counterfeit love always involves struggle and pain. Real love never does. Real love is a verb. It is not based simply upon feelings, which come and go, but actions. It is important to learn "to"do love". Do love and you will be loved. in return.

Law #7 - See the Best In Others - And In Yourself.

What we see in others, we bring out in them. If we focus upon their negative points (and let them know about them), you can be certain the negativity will increase. When we focus upon what is good in that person and let them know, this brings out the best. The better a person then feels about themselves, the less need they have for negativity. Often it can just fall away on its own.

Law #7 1/2- The Master Law When They Come We Welcome, When They Go We Do Not Pursue

Understand that each relationship lasts for a certain time. You've come together to learn from one another, to share, enjoy and often move along. This is not rejection, but growth and change. Change is natural and inevitable. Don't see it as failure. Don't see it as loss. Don't try to control when time comes to go. Realize that if the person is supposed to be with you longer, they will return on their own. The greatest art of relationships is to know how to let go. When someone new comes welcome them, when it's time to let go, thank the person for all you've received from them and let go.

Discover the surprising truths about love that will save your relationship, by working with the unique program in Dr. Shoshanna’s new e-book Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships). http://www.truthaboutlove.com . Dr. Shoshanna is a psychologist, relationship expert on i.village.com, speaker, and has run over 500 workshops on all aspects of relationships and fulfilling your potential. She is the author of many books, including Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Why Men Leave (Putnam), What He Can’t Tell You And Needs To Say, (Putnam) and many others. You can contact her at mailto: mailto:topspeaker@yahoo.com . Her personal website is: http://www.brendashoshanna.com/

The Truth About Finding Your True Love And How You Can Fulfill Your Dream Of Living Happily Ever Aft

by: Cucan Pemo Publishing

“All we need is love.” Myth or not? Since love does seem to
be able to overcome anything and everything, at least on
television and at the movies, this seems like a reality.
However, truth is, making relationships work takes skill and
hard work, regardless of the “love” factor. This is a myth
here.

Let’s take a peak at some of the more common concepts above
“love” relationships and see if they are myths or based upon
reality.

If you are thinking of going into a relationship, or if you
find yourself falling in love, and ready to date, keep this
in mind: relationship is way, way beyond just love and
attraction.

Just like in fairy tales, once true love is found, people
live happily ever after. Truth or myth? Granted couples can
look into each other’s eyes and have those warm fuzzy
feelings. However, truth is, all couples will have their ups
and downs. “Happily ever after” seems to imply a perfect,
problem-less relationship when in reality, those don’t
exist.

If you are in a problem-less relationship (which doesn't
exist anyway), you'll get bored one day. And one of the
couples will want to run away!

So, is it possible to create and maintain a long lasting and
blissful relationship, or can one even dream of creating the
relationship of his or her dreams?

You bet!

The first step is to arm yourself with the genuine knowledge
and instructions on how to create your soul-based
relationship. Trust me, it is worth your time and money if
you can ever find a comprehensive course of instructions and
learn more about the truth of relationship, and especially
how you can draw in your soul mate!

It has to be “love at first sight” in order to work long-
term. Myth or truth? While this can be true for some, it
certainly doesn’t have to be for all couples in long-term
relationships. Many people grow together over time.

Since practically anyone can learn the nuts and bolts of
relationship building, focusing on some basic techniques
that can be learned is a must. The main ones, in no
particular order, are:

- Understand your-self.
Understand yourself. What is your personality. You may be
surprised. Some people live for a long time and never come
to understand or even realize why they are the way they are!
And why is this important? It determines how you look at the
world, how you will interpret the events occurring in your
life, and WHO YOU ARE will help your partner determine how
to react to YOU!

- Rapport: Develop rapport with others well.
Now let’s take a quick peak at the basics of developing
rapport with others. In a nutshell, what it takes is to ask
questions, have a positive, open attitude, encour
age an open exchange of communications (both verbal and
unspoken), listen to verbal and unspoken communications and
share positive feedback.

- Conflict Resolution: Resolve negative issues and conflicts
without too much friction
How do you handle conflicts? If you can put your ego aside
pretty much and try to keep friction to a minimum, your
relationships should move along fairly smoothly. Where you
feel disagreement, if you can “agree” to disagree on certain
things with the other party involved, that will help, too.
In short, conflict resolution means to pretty much deal with
others as you would want them to deal with you.

Once true love is found, people live happily ever after.
Truth or myth? Well, it will definitely not be a perfect,
problem-less journey. However, you definitely can live
happily ever after with the love of your life, if only you
will arm yourself with the right relationship skills and
learn relationship mastery whole heartedly.

Trust me, this is within your power. It is your destiny to
draw in your highest and best mate, if you have decided to.

About The Author:

Cucan Pemo is the Best Selling Author for her unconventional ebooks at http://www.Retrievealover.com/home.htm
Get FREE Special Reports, FREE Ebooks, tips, strategies and resources on how you can Find True Love and Bring Back A Lost Love at http://www.RetrieveALover.com/home.htm

Gaining Clarity on Relationships Patterns

by: Robert Najemy

Robert Elias Najemy

>From our Conscious Love Relationships Program at:

http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/relationships/index.asp

We suggest that you use this questionnaire to gain greater clarity
before answering the basic questionnaire.

A. have you had previous relationships: If yes:

1. Are there specific types of partners that you attract or are attracted
to?

2. Is there a certain type of partner towards which you feel aversion?

3. Were you happy in these relationships?

4. In general did you leave the relationship or did the other?

5. What do you believe were the factors that played a role in these
relationships not working out?

6. Did you play a role in their not working out? If so what was your
contribution?

7. Do you notice any patterns in your relationship situations and
interactions?
If so which?

8. What lessons might you be able to learn from these previous
relationships?

9. Were there also very pleasant and positive moments in those
relationships? If so, which?

B. Your parental prototypes:

1. How would you describe the your parental prototypes:
a. Your Mother
b. Your Father
c. The relationship between them – the ways in which they interacted and
communicated – or did not.
d. Your own relationship with you mother
e. Your own relationship with your father.

2. Were there behavioral similarities between any of your previous partners
and one or more of your parents. If yes,
A. Which were they?
B. What might you need to learn by having «chosen – as a soul» to have a
number of close persons with similar behaviors?
C. What do you want to learn or do in relationship to that?

C. Is there a difference between what society and / or your parents want for
you and what you want from a relationship? What do you want to do about
that?

D. What is important for you to have in your relationship.
(Have in mind that you might be able to have all of these, and maybe not.
You might have to choose or sacrifice.)
__1. To have a relationship at any cost. To have a partner, children,
family?
__2. To be in love with someone?
__3. To be loved by someone?
__4. To be able to share feelings and thoughts with someone?
__5. To have a lively and interesting interaction with someone?
__6. To be socially accepted because you are married?
___7. To have a relationship so as to be able to have children?
___8. To have a relationship in order to feel worthy to others.
___9. To have a relationship in order to feel safe and secure?
___10.To have a relationship so that there will be someone at home with me –
especially in the evenings.
Other needs that you hope to have satisfied through a relationship.
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________

E. Have you noticed that you might have certain doubts, concerns or fears
about creating a committed personal relationship. If so why? Consider the
following possibilities.

1. We might fear intimacy because we fear:
a. Being abandoned
b. Being suppressed
c. Being hurt
d. Rejection
e. That we will not be able to be ourselves
f. If they know us deeper, they will not will not want to be with us.
2. We might feel vulnerable and afraid of being hurt if we are open and
loving and prefer to keep an emotional distance.
3. We do not want to give the other the idea that he or she can do whatever
he or she likes with us.
4. We would like them first to ask for forgiveness or at least realize
their mistakes.
5. We fear we will lose control over them by letting them be too relaxed
with us.
6. We want to place the blame for our dissatisfaction with ourselves or our
lives on someone else who is "responsible".
7. We falsely believe that love requires that we must let this person do
whatever he or she wants – regardless of ethics or justice – and that this
would be totally unacceptable.
8. We have identified with the role of the victim and need to feel hurt and
abused.
9. We are in the role of the interrogator and need to find others’ faults.
10. We are afraid of expressing love, because we fear that there will not be
an adequate response from others and we will feel rejected.
11. We cannot believe that others could possibly love us.
12. We have been seriously hurt by this person and cannot overcome this
bitterness.

If you have been affected by these or other obstacles what can you do to get
free?

F. Do you feel unhappy alone?
For a few days?
For a long time?
If so, what obstructs you from being happy even when you are alone?

1. Are you afraid when alone?
2. Do you feel less worthy when alone?
3. Are you bored when alone?
4. Do you not know what to do with your time?
5. Do you feel that there is no meaning to life, when you are alone?
5. Do you feel badly because the others are in relationships and you are
not?
6. What emotions do you have when you think:
a. That you do not have a relationship at this moment?
b. That you have not had a relationship for some time?
c. That your previous relationships have not worked out?
d. That some others have relationships and you do not?

7. What do you want or need to do in order to feel better alone until you
meet the right person?

8. What do you believe will change in your life if you have a love partner?
What will you have that you do not have now?



Robert Elias Najemy, a life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained
over 300 Life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Info at:
http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/introholisticcoach.asp
He is the author of over 20 books, 600 articles and 400 lecture cassettes on
Human Harmony. Download FREE 100's of articles, find wonderful ebooks,
guidance, audio files and teleclasses at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com.
His books The Psychology of Happiness and Remove Pain with Energy Psychology
are available at http://www.amazon.com

Will they or will they not cheat?

by: Angela Renee

Will they or will they not cheat?

Have you ever told your partner or spouse how you would feel
if you found out they had been cheating? Maybe your spouse
or partner will never cheat on you! Are would they?

Ok, maybe they want cheat. But you must face the fact that
your spouse or partner will be tempted with the "grass is
greener on the other side" especially after all the
responsibilities of parenthood have set in and things are
not so carefree anymore. And you will be faced with that
same temptation unless both of you have suddenly become
really, really an eye sore.

Who knows? They may be attracted to the same thing you find
attractive about your spouse or partner in the beginning and
now! By realizing this now, depending on the type of
relationship you are in, not only can you make this one of
the healthy topics to discuss but you can possibly get back
some of what was lost. You know before all of the many
responsibilities set into everyone's life.

Cheating causes so much pain and grief and if you have not
experienced it firsthand, take a look around - It affects
everyone! Saying no requires at times the willpower to walk
- no run away, the action to back up what you say and truly
caring about your partner or spouse feelings.

Do not become obsessed with this topic but talk about things
like this before it happens. Talk about how the both of you
would feel and what would cause the both of you to entertain
the thoughts of cheating. Would it involve something
physical like not receiving enough affection or something
emotional like not feeling appreciated or loved? You want
facts that will help you both understand what your needs are
so you'll NOT look elsewhere.

We seek love and acceptance in our society and this does not
change once we enter relationships. We want it regardless of
the changes we grow through with our body and spirit. So
when we do not feel we are getting these things from the
ones we love, we seek it from others! If you do not want to
make the topic about the two of you just yet, talk about
cheating in relationships in general before the opportunity
presents itself to either of you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Angela Renee is a wife, mother of three and a writer who's
passionate about helping "Every Day Become A Mothers Day."
With her straight talking yet compassionate manner, she
works through her articles at www.worlds-best-mothers-guide.com
to assist all mothers with every single aspect of their life
including
href="http://www.worlds-best-mothers-guide.com">relationships and
parenting.

To Be Loved As To Love

by: Amy Biddle

Ernie Larson, author of "Stage II Recovery" and other works, uses a wonderful metaphor for relationships. If you picture yourself as a telephone pole, he says, and the other person as a telephone pole, you can see your relationship as the line strung between you. You can't hold up both ends by yourself.

I tell you that, because I want to tell you this: There's a lot of wonderful relationship advice to be found in spiritual writings and teachings. But if you try to use it on another person, hoping against hope that s/he will pick up the other end of the telephone line, it won't work.

If you are trying to relate to someone who hits you, cheats on you, ignores you until they want sex, or otherwise uses you in any way, then you are not in a relationship with that person. This relationship advice article does not apply to the two of you. What you have is a trauma bond, and I trust you to seek professional help, if that's what it takes, to extricate yourself.

For those connections with others that can honestly be called relationships, I have gathered some powerful relationship advice in my years of study and practice in conscious spiritual living.

The first thing to know is that there is unlimited love for you in this universe. You'll receive it as soon as you're willing to, and as soon as you quit dictating where you think it should come from and how it should be delivered. Be present to your life, and you'll see love showing up in the most unexpected places.

The second principle of relationship advice is that a relationship cannot be a closed system of two. If it is, it won't be a relationship for long. There needs to be space in any relationship for other friends, family, as well as room for Spirit to work in you and your loved one. Your primary relationship must be with your own concept of Spirit. All other relationships will fall into place.

The last thing I want to offer you will improve your communication skills. It's a copy of the Peace Prayer of St. Francis. No one really knows who wrote it, but this centuries old poem is packed with relationship advice.

Make me an instrument of Thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, harmony;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.


O Divine!
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born into eternal life.

Practice the principles of this prayer in all of your relationships, and you'll find that your life full of the kind of relationships you really want.

This article is free for republishing

Amy Biddle has been a lifetime student and teacher of spiritual principles. Spiritual Healing Secrets is a fast-growing resource for anyone who wants to improve her or himself, or simply to learn practical spiritual principles. Let Amy help you improve your life! Discover the secrets at http://www.spiritual-healing-secrets.com

3 Tips You Wish You Know Earlier Before You Go Into Any Type of Relationship!

by: Cucan Pemo Publishing

If you are in a relationship right now, or are thinking of
going into one, there are 3 very important tips you should
know and questions you should ask yourself before you ever
get yourself into a relationship. This could save you from a
lot of heartache and pain when you are involved in a love
relationship.

(1) Your lover does not owe you your happiness, peace or
joy.
Happiness is a state of mind we choose to have. All of your
happiness, and all of your suffering, are created by you and
they do not come from outside of you, or from others. Before
you go into any type of relationship, ask yourself these
questions: "Do I really, really, really know how to walk
away from disappointment and fear? Will I be able to find
the person that I am now even after I go into this
relationship and begin a new way of life?" In short, you
should not be dependent on your partner on your emotional
needs. You yourself are responsible for your own feelings
and creating positive experiences for both your partner and
you whenever you are together.

(2) Love your partner for who they are.
No one in this world is perfect. One day you will find your
partner doing certain things or saying certain things that
will hurt you, disappoint you or anger you. Before you go
into any type of relationship, you have to ask yourself:
"Will I be able to love my partner for who they are. If I am
unhappy or angry with something they have said or done, will
I be able to recognize my unhappiness or anger as against
their speech, actions and behavior, and not against their
persons?"

(3) Will I be able to love myself as much as I love my
partner?
If you cannot love yourself, how are you going to give love
to another? This is a mistake most people make when they go
into a relationship. They become over-obsessive with what
they can give to their partners and what they can do for
their partners. To ensure a fulfilling relationship, you
have to learn to take care of your own needs as well. A true
partner or lover is one who will make sure that you do not
become too dependent on them. You are responsible for your
own feelings and your own emotional needs too. You are a
beautiful being. So, take care of yourself, love yourself,
treat yourself to all the good things in life too, and do
the same to your partner. Very soon you will find true love
always coming your way without any effort on your part!

As always, if you are encountering problems in your
relationship, try to dissolve all of your problems in love.
And you'll be sure you are on your way to a peaceful and
fulfilling relationship!
.......................................
Get FREE Special Report "Tired
of Failing And Heart Breaking Relationships? The Mystery of
Possessing The Relationship Of Your Dreams...SOLVED!" (Value
$17.95) MP3 Training Program by Dr Robby Bilton (Value $37)
at http://www.FamilyAndRelationships.com

About The Author:

Cucan Pemo is the Best Selling Author for her unconventional
Relationship Ebooks at
href="http://www.RetrieveALover.com/home.htm">http://www
.RetrieveALover.com Discover the best and most effective
strategies to finding a true love, keeping a true love or
even bringing back a lost lover or spouse! She now writes regularly
on finding and attracting true love, and family related issues.
Free tips and resources available at her site at

How to Decide Whether to Keep Your Marriage or Other Relationship Going or to End It

by: Terry Mansfield

How to Decide Whether to Keep Your Marriage or Other Relationship
Going or to End It
by Terry Mansfield

In their top-selling book "Should You Stay or Should You Go?"
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins offer expert advice
to help you decide how to know WHEN or IF it's time to break up,
leave your relationship or get a divorce.

Theirs is an "action book" provided in traditional print form or
in a downloadable e-book version that is "filled with hundreds of
questions, stories and insights that will help you consciously
determine whether to stay in your present relationship or to move
on."

Relationship Experts Susie and Otto assert that their book "will
take you through a powerful process of discovery about yourself,
your partner and your relationship" and that "by going through
this process, the decision about what's best for you actually
reveals itself to you."

Webster's Dictionary defines a relationship as "a romantic or
passionate attachment." If you're in one, you might think that
you've found heaven on earth. Or maybe something that's not quite
so grand, just OK or so-so. Or possibly something far worse if
your relationship is starting to seem more like hell on earth
than heaven. In fact, things may seem so bad to you that you've
started thinking seriously about leaving a relationship. And if
you're married this could mean getting a divorce. Many of us have
found ourselves in a similar situation and have suffered great
anguish while trying to decide what to do -- stay in a
relationship or leave it.

Well, the husband and wife Relationship Coach team of Susie and
Otto Collins, who are also top-selling authors, are urging that
before you take the next, maybe fateful step regarding your
relationship, that you stop long enough to learn how to make the
best possible decision about whether to stay or go. Susie and
Otto say that while they have a great relationship with one
another now, that wasn't always the case. But they want you to
basically 'go to school on them' by learning from and benefiting
from the relationship journey they made together. While there
most certainly have been others who have overcome the low points
in a relationship and made what eventually became a successful
journey together, not many of them have been able to recount it
in writing in such clear and compelling fashion as have Susie
and Otto Collins in their top-selling book "Should You Stay or
Should You Go?" They claim their book will:

-- Help you know whether you really want to stay in this
relationship or move on

-- Help you discover what you really want in a relationship and
whether you'll be able to have it in this relationship

-- Help you identify the real issues going on in this relationship
(they may not be what you think)

-- Help you understand the communication challenges going on
between the two of you

-- Show you how the way money is handled in your relationship may
be causing major problems without you even knowing it

-- Tell you what to do if there's physical, emotional or sexual
abuse going on in this relationship

-- Give you a new way of thinking about how addictions affect
your relationship

-- Help you identify how patterns from your past may be
unconsciously ruining your relationship right before your eyes

Of course you'll have to judge for yourself the value of the
information presented by Susie and Otto Collins, and whether
their book "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" truly can help you
make important decisions about your relationship. But since so
much may be at stake, and an awful lot can be riding on you
making a proper decision, it might very well be worth a few
minutes of your time to check things out further. If you'd like
more information about the book "Should You Stay or Should You
Go," you can find it at:

http://www.firstworld.biz/external73.html.

Copyright © 2005 Terry Mansfield

About Terry: Terry Mansfield is Owner/President of First World
Enterprises, providing online customers world-wide with a choice
of high-quality products, services, and business opportunities
since 1999. Visit Firstworld.Biz -- the LinkUp Place at
http://www.firstworld.biz to see current recommendations. And get
"500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets" at
http://www.firstworld.biz/external69.html.

"Relationships-- the Secret to Your Professional and Personal Success"

by: John Neyman Jr

“Relationships-- the Secret to Your Professional and Personal Success” Copyright 2005 John Neyman Jr

The Hungry

In May of 2005 there were over 2 million searches made on
the internet in reference to relationships. Over 49,000 searches have taken place on the net in one month for relationship advice. Almost 4000 of them were searching for help with a healthy relationship.

Over 38,000 were looking for a relationship on line because they were not getting it in their realm of life. This is all in one month. I could go on with the list.

The point is when over 2 million people search in one
month's time for relationships we know that most people are
not finding the fulfillment in their present relationships.

This unhappiness in relationships will definitely carry
over on the job. If you are responsible for others in a
home business or at the office, it is to your advantage to provide a means for them to learn how to develop healthy Relationships. If people are unfulfilled and unhappy that carries over in the quality of their work.

Getting the most for your money and time will include
providing an environment for everyone to learn
relationships skills. Relationship skills just happens to
be a life skill that you take every where you go, whether
it be at the office or home. Therefore, you are doing
everyone a favor when you provide relationship training to
your down line.

The Satisfied

There are 3 areas that satisfy the longing for meaningful relationships. Those who are healthy and fulfilled are those who have been enjoying relationships in all 3 areas.

The first is you. This is not some kind of psycho-babble
talk, this is a plain fact. If you have insecurities,
fears, deep imbedded scars that you have deliberately
buried you are not being honest with who you are. Further,
no matter what your back ground is you have one of the 4 personality types, a home based language, and a personal language that enables you to receive love your way.

If you do not know these basic human concepts you really
don't even understand who you are, let alone others. Most people do not know their home based language, nor their “love language.” A larger margin of folks will know about the 4 personality types, but many of them will admit that they don’t which one is their type.

The second is others. Success demands building
relationships that are strong, vibrant, healthy, and
fulfilling with others. Granted not every relationship will take on the same meaning, but healthy relationships have a sparkle about them, regardless if it is on the professional level or personal.

The “Right Knowledge” enhances your personal growth and provides lasting relationships! Having a healthy relationship is not easy, but it is worth the effort. There is a very unique principle to follow in order to find meaningful and fulfilling relationships.

The Ancient writers new of the principle, but for the last couple of generations, at least, it seems that this principle was buried and forgotten. However, it is being uncovered and taught once again. This wisdom is bringing joy back into lives many.

The third is God. You are designed to have a relationship
with God. This is your personal responsibility. Many
neglect this relationship or leave it up to others to
develop for them, which is absurd. Others can not develop a relationship with God for you. You must pursue this as any other relationship.

The Results

An atmosphere were people are having healthy relationships
and are growing will, perhaps, exceed all expectations in regards to the joy and productivity of the staff or family members.

You just can not imagine the inner peace and security that
is derived from vibrant relationships.

Is it possible to develop such relationships? Yes, if you
know what principles to follow. If you learn how to use the principles, certainly it is possible. Just ask someone who is no longer hungry. She will tell you that you can be satisfied.

Besides it is a must for true success!

Dr. John Neyman has been teaching every week for the last
21 years. He is the Founder of www.relationshipexcel.com
Dr. John writes weekly for his local newspaper and weekly
tips for healthy relationships. Email him at: john@leaderssuccess.com Or if you have a particular question you can ask it at: www.askdoctorjohn.com

Contact him at http://www.johnneyman.com

7 Myths About Creating A Better Relationship

by: Tia Rodriguez

Pregnancy is a time of celebration, love, and unwanted but necessary weight gain. However, being pregnant doesn’t mean that your health and figure has to suffer permanent damage. You can gain weight in a healthy fashion while doing some very easy and safe heart healthy pregnancy exercise routines.

One of the simplest and most effective pregnancy exercises you can do is walking. Not only is walking one of the best cardiovascular exercises, it is also one of the safest pregnancy exercises you can engage in. Walking is one of the few pregnancy exercises that you can do for the complete duration of your pregnancy.

Another extremely beneficial heart healthy pregnancy exercise is swimming. Countless doctors and pregnant women have attested to the wonderful benefits of swimming during pregnancy. A weekly pregnancy exercise routine of swimming gives both the arms and legs a great workout while promoting cardiovascular health. Because of the nature of being subdued in water, swimming will also remind expectant mothers what it felt like before the pounds were added on. This is definitely a welcome change every now and then.

The third pregnancy exercise routine you can start doing to keep your body healthy is enrolling in an aerobics class. Many fitness centers and community centers offer low impact aerobics classes for pregnant women. One of the nicer benefits of this pregnancy exercise is that it is done in the company of other pregnant women under the watchful eye of a professional aerobics instructor. This means you are going to get a safe workout catered to the special needs of pregnancy.

Weight training is also a very beneficial pregnancy routine to keep your body healthy. Although you must only use very light weights when engaging in this pregnancy exercise, weight training is an excellent way of toning your body and increasing muscular strength.

The last heart healthy pregnancy exercise you can do to stay fit is Pilates/yoga. Both of these body conditioning exercises promote stretching and flexibility within the muscles. Yoga is also a nice accompaniment to walking. By doing a combination of these pregnancy exercises, you can have a healthy balanced cardiovascular routine.

Being pregnant doesn’t mean that you have to sacrifice exercise and health. By walking, swimming, doing aerobics, weight training, and engaging in a Pilates/yoga routine, you can have a healthy and fit pregnancy.

About the author:
Tia Rodriguez is a health and wellness coordinator for an upscale sports management agency. To learn more about how a pregnancy exercise routine can benefit you during your pregnancy, check out the resources at http://www.pregnancy-without-pounds.info